mixtapes & musings vol. 3

a puddle of thoughts, SZA, and random inspo.

what am i suppose to do, when the thoughts are just non-stop?

Aunt Flow came into town this week, and with her, she brought the brain fog and racing thoughts (one helluva combination), the weepies, and the body aches (paired with a little extra anxiety).

For the first two days, I lay in bed, a mere puddle of a human being covered in a mountain of blankets and decorative pillows, waiting for my chest to let go of that “tight feeling” and my breathing to regulate so I could at least sleep. Then, there was this burst of energy that told me to break down all of the Amazon boxes, start four different draft posts, Birk-infy a handbag, and put together a bedside desk for a tiny-ass bedroom that I’m determined to make work because Pinterest made that sh!t look aesthetic and it was on sale during Amazon Prime Day.

My sister in Pisces, Erykah Badu. Photo courtesy of Pinterest.

Oh, and the tears? Nothing earth-shattering - ya know, just a thing that happens when you take walks down memory lane in the form of baby photos and Motown songs sprinkled with liquor-infused concoctions for razzle-dazzle.

To put it poetically: I was out of my damn mind.

Photos from Pinterest + Me (aka the Jane Birkin-fied bag in her favorite place, Target.

My ADHD looked crisper than 4K on an 85-inch screen, and the good cables came from Best Buy rather than Five Below. For a moment - I got on my own nerves because the thoughts just. would. not. STOP! For a moment, I wanted everything to go silent - but then I popped in my LOOP earplugs (honestly, those things have been life-changing), and once the sounds faded into the background - I felt like I was people watching.

The truth is, I never want things to go completely silent. I’m way too nosey inquisitive for that. Observing myself and others has always been something I enjoyed, so squelching that completely would solidify my space in the place with padded rooms.

…but this might just be the thing that allows me to delve into my hyper-fixation with vinyl and cassettes—because sometimes, we don’t need to listen to things in high-def… and we need to hear the crackles to accept the beauty of life’s imperfections.

…reach out and touch a patch of grass

During this last week, I kept my digital media consumption to a minimum. I sat on the porch, listened to music without scrolling through Amazon, picked up my Kindle, and walked through my backyard barefoot in the rain (real hippy sh!t).

Need you for the old me, need you for my sanity
Need you to remind me where I come from
Can you remind me of my gravity?
Ground me when I'm tumbling, spiraling, plummeting down to Earth
You keep me down to Earth

Garden (Say It Like Dat) - SZA

I often forget how massive my backyard is. Now that the old wooden playscape has been removed (thanks to the neighbor's dead tree breaking it in half) and the debris from back-to-back storms has been cleared, there’s so much space.

…and while the neighbors are far too close for me to sit in that space and scream… it’s large enough for me to frolic a bit and think.

Wouldn’t it be simple if all it took was a moment of fresh air, sunshine, and the earth beneath our feet to cleanse the world of this… toxic bullsh!t?!

All I got is these broken clocks
I ain't got no time, just burnin' daylight
Still love, and it's still love, and it's still love
It's still love, still love (still love), still love
It's still love, but it's still love, nothin' but love for you (nothin' but)
Nothin' but love (nothin' but), nothin' but love

Broken Clocks - SZA

doses of inspo

solo date to see Deadpool & Wolverine + a few minutes to kill time in Target to look at dolls.

a few quick notes:

If you enjoyed this letter, consider sharing it on your favorite platform or restacking it on Substack. It’s one of the best (and free) ways to give a creative their flowers in real time.

A Dope Black Girl With Anxiety was created as a space to explore my inner thoughts and pursue my passions. Never once did I think that one, let alone 239 individuals, would subscribe to a neuro-girl’s thoughts. I am overwhelmed with appreciation and feel called to keep this specific publication free in the spirit of community and sparking others to pursue their creative endeavors.

In case you ever feel compelled to sow a coffee bean in my direction - here’s my Ko-Fi link (never expected but always appreciated). These donations will always be honored and sown into the exploration of creativity.

ICYMI:

I have a second publication y’all called Real Blerd Girl Ish.

If you’re into trips down memory lane, tech, and want to take a peek at my hyper fixations for the month - this is the place to lay back and let your inner blerd run free.

"I Only Move Forward, Never Backwards, Darling."