tales from the (mother) hood vol.1

Generational Curses and the Legacy We Leave Behind

Can I be honest?

Mother’s Day has always brought me pause. The entire weekend is stressful, filled with competing grandmothers (code word: my mother) and bouncing from crowded venues to packed houses. It has also been a day when I find myself the most consumed with thoughts, reflecting on the motherhood journey, my strained relationship with my mother, and the exhausting task of breaking generational curses as the oldest (and only) black daughter in my family.

Now, whenever I mention the term generational curse - it rubs a few people the wrong way. I get it - just like the term narcissism, it tends to get sprinkled into conversations like parsley. I also think that sometimes, we only talk about the trauma and damage that is caused by a generational curse and negate acknowledging some of the good that’s produced in that often foggy realm.

I admit that I’m a champion of duality and believe that two things can be true simultaneously. I do believe that, in most cases, we can acknowledge the existence of a generational curse without diminishing the genuine efforts of our elders and ancestors. However, in order for any evolution to occur in the family diaspora, it’s important that we recognize patterns that may no longer serve us.

“Motherhood has taught me that, most of the time, my job is to give them the space to explore and develop into the people they want to be."

Michelle Obama

When I became a mother, I didn’t anticipate that I would not only be raising these phenomenal human beings but also healing parts of my inner child in the process. I remember saying to myself that I would be a better parent, an evolved parent—but I had no idea what that meant. In fact, there are times when I find myself falling into bad habits unintentionally, and these are the moments when I’m truly humbled.

Breaking generational curses is a life-long event that requires intentional inner work. You have to be prepared to question beliefs that no longer align with your values, create and foster environments for healing within your family, and be ready for the side-eye from your elders when you go against the grain.

I have been called eccentric and straight-out weird (in the most unloving ways possible). I have also been judged for the way I openly talk to my children, allowing them to express and witness highs and lows of emotions (this still doesn’t mean that I don’t get overwhelmed or agitated - we have three kids, which is equivalent to a basketball team). With that said, I’m not a perfect mother, nor am I striving to be. I understand that my children will have their own generational curses to unpack. However, I hope that through the art of storytelling and documenting the struggles in real time, they can see the lessons learned in my healing journey. Instead of a running therapy tab, I hope to inspire them to keep working on themselves and let go of the shanty tools I now rely on to get through this journey called life.

So here’s to you - my friends who are navigating motherhood (parenthood) and question if they are enough: you are.

Embrace the imperfections, celebrate the small victories, and be proud of the work you’re doing to improve yourself. You are shaping hearts, minds, and futures while reshaping your thoughts, values, and ambitions. Keep shining, keep loving, and keep believing in yourself. You are loved unconditionally, and if you ever need a reminder, just look at how your child stares at you for no reason at all. I look at my daughters, who have so much love for me that I often wonder if it can be contained in their bodies, and in that moment, it’s proof enough that I’m doing something right.

…and for those days that you need to remind yourself and hear some encouraging words, here are a few affirmations to add to your arsenal.

1. I am worthy of grace, compassion, and self-care as I navigate motherhood.

2. I embrace my imperfections and learn from my mistakes.

3. I am allowed to ask for help and support when I need it.

4. I am creating a loving and nurturing environment for my family.

5. I am teaching my children resilience and strength by example.

6. My presence and love are enough to make a positive impact on my children.