don't let humble culture take away the impact of recognition

Give me my flowers before I die & get my name right!

I don’t usually get into the depths of celebrity/influencer drama - it’s above my pay grade - but since this letter was already in the drafts, I felt it was the perfect opportunity to briefly touch on Keith Lee and Taraji P. Henson… because y’all, I got the ick.

While I didn’t watch the BET Awards in real time (we will have to have a conversation another day about the quality or lack of), I did see the things worth watching and fashions that should have never happened (Angela Simmons needs new friends - because the ones she have don’t mean her well).

To sum things up, the BET Awards had a segment where it gave creators their flowers for their contributions and well, Taraji got Keith confused with a different creator. She basically gave the man someone else’s flower on live television (Jordan Howlett’s¹ to be exact - the Gen Z who looks handsomely older and finds all the good recipes!).

This is a quick summary - if you want to decipher the entire debacle feel free to jump down the rabbit hole for yourself.²

When all was said and done - Keith Lee discarded the rose and social media did that toxic thing it often does - stir the pot.

photo credit: Baller Alert on Instagram

Who is Jordan Howlett when the camera’s off? FOINE! I heard the “come here” all through this picture! photo credit: sandiegomagazine.com

…seriously, wtf?! Like there was absolutely no reason for this… and I just need Angela to get a better team, better friends, better something!

here comes the ick…

Mistakes happen. Period.

But I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have felt some type of way if a moment when I was suppose to be honored was tainted by being confused with someone else. It’s beyond the name, but about going out the way to physically represent “giving the living their flowers” and then being so flippant when someone feels dishonored by the lack of genuine intent in the act that gives me the ick. Especially from Taraji.

Taraji spoke very candidly during the press run of ‘The Color Purple’ about almost leaving the production all together due to extreme pay disparities.³ During that time, one of the quotes from the interview stuck with me:

“I’m getting really tired of Black women having the same story, it’s breaking my heart. It’s like every time you achieve something really incredible, it’s almost like the industry looks at it like a fluke.”

And for me, after feeling all of that - vocally expressing your disappointment in regards to your flowers not being given or translated into funds - you diminished someone else’s moment and discredited their feelings instead of taking accountability for the mix-up.

don’t let humble culture take away the impact of recognition

Humble Culture refers to societal expectations and norms that encourage individuals to downplay their achievements, remain modest, and avoid overt displays of pride or self-promotion.

I can buy myself flowers… but I don't want to.

I don’t want to hold my own hand. I don’t want to dance alone. I don’t want to celebrate my wins in silence.

I want to be able to express my wins just as loudly as people want me to shout out the downfalls.

…and I shouldn’t be humbled for this.

There's impact in recognition. We all want to be seen, feel valued, & honored during our life time.

I find that humility is often misunderstood. Humility does not equal devaluing yourself or your wins; instead, it’s a balancing act of gratitude, self-awareness, and ridding yourself of the superiority complex that many tend to fall victim to.

I’ve always felt that true humility allows you to recognize your achievements and accept them with grace, knowing that your success doesn't diminish the success of others; allowing you to clap for others and learn from others that inhabit the same spaces as you. It's about celebrating your own light without the fear of overshadowing others, because at the end of the day - there’s room for all of us to eat.

put some respect on my name

Not every season is your season.

There will be seasons when you’re just meant to sit on the sidelines and observe. This is the time when you clap for others just as loudly as you clapped for yourself - because seasons change, some more quickly than others - and we have to find the lessons in that.

BUT, when it is my time, when I’m in my season of shine - then I expect nothing less but respect on my name.

As Keith Lee said, “Our name will be known in every room its supposed to be when its supposed to be how its supposed [to be], with no confusion…”

I deserve my flowers, grown in love, authenticity, and genuine honor of the work I put in before I’m dead… and you do too!

…and when they try to humble you for it…

…pop out and show ‘em.

a few quick notes:

“a few quick notes” will be added to the end of my letter’s going forward. Since I tend to write most letters with music flowing, you’ll notice a song reference or two. I’ll share those here along with the ICYMI and BlackStack announcements for those who are interested.

If you enjoyed this letter, consider sharing on your favorite platform or restacking it on Substack. It’s one of the best (and free) ways to give a creative their flowers in real time. In the case that you would like to donate to the coffee fund - here’s my Ko-Fi link (never expected but always appreciated).

songs that inspired this weeks letter:

ICYMI:

BlackStack

BlackStack

is for us, by us (FUBU).

BlackStack is a publication that curates black history, music, culture, quotes, call-to-actions, and whatever we desire to share via our Notes (public) and our private newsletter subscription. We honor the presence & need for communities and in turn, hope that this space is honored in that same way. Our goal is to provide opportunities for black creatives to network, learn, and feel supported throughout their journey while being comfortable in the space their in. This is meant to feel like a good ol-fashioned cook-out. Durags and bonnets are welcome.

1. Who Is Jordan Howlett When the Camera is Off? - San Diego Magazine

2. Taraji P. Henson Responds to Keith Lee’s Now-Deleted TikTok After Name Mix Up At BET Awards - Baller Alert

3. Taraji P. Henson Almost Left ‘The Color Purple’ Due to Pay Disparity - Us Weekly