f o r w a r d

End of the month recap, embracing self-compassion, and the time Jelly Roll's CMA sermon got me all the way together (a deep cut revisit).

end of the month recap

May became my month for setting boundaries, cutting off toxic relationships, and even changing my number to move forward into the next chapter.

…and that’s the thing about healing.

There’s always going to be the opportunity for a fresh start. There’s no linear path; instead, it’s an obstacle course filled with setbacks, breakthroughs, realignments, and upgraded perspectives.

Through writing these letters, I realize I’m coaching myself in real-time. Each piece is fueled by a question, reflection, or inspiration that pushes me to explore my inner thoughts. This month, I’ve detached from the need for external validation and found a deeper sense of self-worth.

i love you… from a distance.

I allow myself the privilege of self-compassion and healing.

Toxic relationships are no longer welcome here. I will honor myself by maintaining my boundaries. My boundaries are not a form of punishment but an act of self-love that allows me to prioritize my peace, well-being, and mental health. I am deserving of healthy family dynamics. Being connected by blood does not mean accepting or tolerating toxicity. By letting go of the toxic relationships within my space, I accept the apologies that will never come. I embrace the opportunity to create more supportive connections, create healthier inner and outer spaces, and embrace a newfound emotional freedom.

the time jelly roll’s sermon got me all the way together…

Until his CMA New Artist acceptance speech in November 2023, I had no idea who Jelly Roll was. I saw his viral words on my Twitter timeline and instantly felt stirred. His words were authentic. They struck a deep-rooted chord, and I felt exposed. I remember playing the video over and over because the words felt personal.

It was as if he was coaching me through a much-needed transition; it was time to move forward…

…there is something poetic about a 39-year-old man winning New Artist of the Year. I don’t know where you are in your life or what you’re going through, but I want to tell you to keep going baby! I want to tell you that success is on the other side of it. I want to tell you it’s going to be okay. I want to tell you that the windshield is bigger than a rearview mirror for a reason because what’s in front of you is so much more important than what’s behind you!

Jelly Roll - 2023 CMA Awards Speech

f o r w a r d

Is that all there is?

This is the question that consumed me. I felt that life had passed me by. I was too busy trying to figure out my space and place, always thinking of the what-ifs, always looking behind me.

I put my all into being a variant of normal: following traditions, meeting expectations, and acting my age.

The floor would fall in as soon as I felt I made an impact. The confidence I built would suddenly crumble, leaving me questioning my abilities and worth. It was a relentless cycle of progress and self-doubt, where every step forward seemed to be met with an equally forceful setback. This instability made it hard to trust in my successes or to believe that I was truly capable of lasting change.

So how do we move forward?

In healing, sometimes we fail to move past the point of self-reflection.

We hyper-focus on trying to understand the blocking beliefs, wanting to know their origin story and when they transitioned into the villain—instead of taking the necessary steps to challenge and overcome them.

While there’s value in this, dwelling too long on the origin keeps us stuck in the cycle of reflection without progress. Understanding and identifying these beliefs is not sufficient to create change.

To move forward requires a mindshift.

I honor my voice, stories, and experiences, knowing they hold immense power and value.

I accept that my healing is a lifelong effort, a continuous journey of self-discovery, growth, and care. I now understand that healing is not a destination but a process. The series of setbacks and breakthroughs that once were heavy blows to my confidence now fuel and shape the woman I am and her life moving forward.

I give myself the permission to trust in my ability to navigate this journey and honor myself for the courage it takes to prioritize my mental health and well-being.

I no longer feel shame for pursuing my passions. My access is not denied due to age or diagnosis. I embrace my talents and interests without reservation. My pursuit for joy is unapologetic. I will create the space and place for my interests to thrive. I will embrace change, mistakes, and failure. I will lean into the uncomfortable. It is time to release myself from the continued cycle of blocking beliefs, and allow myself to move forward.

before i go…

Jacquie Verbal

, you have been a breath of fresh air.

Your curated visuals, vulnerability, and engagement within the community have made my transition into this writing space enjoyable.

Your kind words and beautiful piece hood therapy vol. 1 has encouraged me to keep exploring this format in my writing. When I published Lemon, I’ll be honest, there was an urge to put it back in the drafts. Some of my neurodivergence is still new to me, and the piece felt so loud.

I want you to know that your aura makes Substack a better place. I am moved by your experience, connection to the culture, and transparency you provide as you unpack big feelings.

I celebrate your new beginnings as a published author and look forward to the stories inside you waiting to be released.

UN-TRAP DA HOOD: Break Free From The Culture Traps - available on Amazon.